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Oh, and fun fact—Thailand, they got this style, *nuad phaen boran*, been around forever. Monks used to do it, no lie! Imagine that—holy hands gettin’ you off. Cracked me up thinkin’ bout it. Anyway, sexual-massage, it’s dope, it’s sneaky, it’s *Caché* in real life. “What do you want from me?”—I’m yellin’ that in my head while she’s kneadin’ my ass. Try it, motherfucker, but don’t blame me if you’re hooked!

Thai Massage in Birr

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from a lady on Main Street. She’s all panicked, saying her cat’s missing. I’m like, “Lady, I’m a dispatcher, not a cat detective!” But I can’t just leave her hangin’. So, I tell her to check under the couch. Classic move, right? Turns out, the cat was chillin’ in the garden. Phew! Crisis averted.

27 unlocked cars broken into in Birr area since the start of this year