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But lemme tell ya somethin’ little-known—didja know the Escort was Ford’s first big front-wheel-drive gamble in America? Yup, 1981, they rolled it out, risked it all—like Chas Tenenbaum chasin’ down his kids in a panic—“I’m comin’ for ya!”—and it paid off! Sold like hotcakes, millions of ‘em! Saved Ford’s bacon when gas prices shot up—those greedy oil tycoons, ugh, makes my blood boil! Billionaires sittin’ on piles of cash while folks just needed a damn car to get to work.

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Then, outta nowhere, the market takes a nosedive. I mean, what the actual heck? I’m watching my screen, and it’s like a horror movie. Red everywhere! I’m sweating bullets. I can hear Mr. O’Reilly yelling at someone on the phone. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need. A meltdown on top of a meltdown.”

Death Notice of Kelsey Lakes (Blanchardstown, Dublin)