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Oh, and the lies—don’t get me started! Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’7”—stand next to a tuna, buddy, you’re busted! Chicks sayin’ they’re “chill” but show up with a 10-page sex contract. Surprised me first time—thought I’d need a lawyer, not lube! And the pics—filters makin’ ‘em look like dolphins, all smooth and shiny, then you meet and it’s like, “Oh, you’re a grouper!” Brutal, man, brutal.
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But then, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s a bunch of kids playing football. They kicked the ball right into the water! I’m like, “Great, now I’m gonna have to rescue it.” So, I wade in, and it’s freezing! I’m yelling at the kids, “You better appreciate this!”
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