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About Waterford

Wot pisses me off? The fakes. Them “masseuses” who can’t tell a knot from a noodle. Rubbish! I want the real deal—someone who knows the body like I know a crime scene. Surprised me once, this bird in Soho—proper pro, had me floatin’ like I’d snorted a line of pure calm. “You’ve got ten minutes!”—nah, mate, she took an hour, and I was reborn! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it felt like a bloody miracle.

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Next, I strolled down the River Erne. It was so pretty, but then I saw this swan. And let me tell you, that swan was NOT having it. It hissed at me! Like, excuse me, I’m just trying to enjoy the view! I laughed it off, but inside I was like, “What’s your problem, swan?”

Monaghan expecting a tough Cavan test