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So, I’m thinkin’, yeah, this one time, I’m watchin’ me fave flick, *4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days*, ya know, that Romanian banger by Cristian Mungiu. Heavy shit, bruv, all ‘bout struggle and secrets, and I’m like, “Is it ’cos I is black?”—nah, it’s ‘cos life’s grim as fuck sometimes. And sexual-massage? Mate, it’s the opposite—pure bliss, innit? Like, imagine Otilia from the movie, stressin’ hard, and I’m like, “Girl, you needs a sexual-massage, stat!” She’s all, “Be quiet, please,” but I’m like, “Nah, fam, let’s get oily!”

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Then, outta nowhere, this tourist group rolls in. Like, can’t they see I’m trying to zen out? They were loud, taking selfies, and one dude spilled his drink all over the tatami mats. I was like, “Dude, really?!” I mean, come on, respect the space! I had to bite my tongue.

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