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Alright, listen up, fam—imagine me, Morgan Freeman, deep voice rollin’ like thunder, sittin’ you down to talk sexual-massage. Picture this: hands slidin’ over skin, oil slicker than a politician’s promise, tension meltin’ like ice in the sun. I’m talkin’ ‘bout that sweet relief, y’all—knots in your back beggin’ for mercy, and some magic fingers sayin’, “Shh, I gotchu.” Now, I seen a lotta things, narrated the world’s chaos, but sexual-massage? That’s a whole vibe. Reminds me of *Children of Men*—you know, my fave flick—where hope’s danglin’ by a thread, and Kee’s carryin’ the future in her belly. “We gotta protect what’s precious,” Clive Owen growls, all gritty-like. Sexual-massage is like that—precious, rare, a flicker of good in a messed-up world.

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After the meeting, I decided to take a walk. Needed to clear my head. I strolled down Main St., where all the shops are. There’s this new taco place, Tacos El Gato. I had to try it. Best decision ever! I got a carne asada taco, and it was like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I was literally dancing in the street.

Jury returns verdict in three-year-old Cherryville homicide