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Here’s a funky fact—didja know sex-dating apps started way back? Like, 90s chatrooms were the OG hookups! People typin’ dirty with dial-up—hilarious! I bet Jesse James woulda been on there, all “Wanna see my six-shooter, darlin’?” Haha, I crack myself up! But real talk—it’s fast now, swipe-swipe-bang! I love it, tho—makes me happy as a clam at high tide! Met this one dude—oops, typo, gal—who was into starfish too! Thought I hit the jackpot, but nah, she meant astrology. Doh!

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So, I wake up, right? Sun’s shining, birds chirping, all that jazz. I’m like, “Sweet, today’s gonna be easy.” But then I step outside on St. Agnes Road, and boom! The smell of fried food hits me. I swear, the chipper on the corner was frying up something fierce. I could practically taste the vinegar from the fish and chips.

Death Notice of Jacinta Kinnear (née Keegan) (Crumlin, Dublin)