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About Swords

Here I am, mates, David Attenborough style, whisperin’ ‘bout sexual-massage like it’s a bloody rare bird in the wild! Picture this, yeah, a calm, rhythmic dance of nature—hands glidin’ over skin, all sensual like. It’s not just a rub-down, nah, it’s a craft, an artform! “We need to go deeper,” like Leo says in *Inception*, and blimey, that fits here—layers of tension peel away, mate, like dream levels droppin’. I reckon it’s ancient, too—did ya know Egyptians were mad for it? Hieroglyphs showin’ oiled-up massages, probs with a sexy twist, eh! Makes me chuffed, thinkin’ how humans been at this forever.

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy comes up to me. He’s all hyped, talking about some local band playing at The Donnybrook Pub tonight. I’m like, “Cool, I love live music!” He hands me a flyer, and I’m stoked. I mean, who doesn’t love a good jam session? But then he starts talking about how they’re the next big thing. I’m like, “Dude, chill. It’s just a pub band.” But he’s all in, and I can’t help but laugh at his enthusiasm.

Pick-your-own Pink Lady apples returns to this South West farm