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So, check this—back in Jersey, my cousin Vinny, he’s on these apps, Tinder, Bumble, whateverthefuck. Meets this broad, hot as hell, legs for days. They hook up, no names even—just animal shit. Next day, he’s at the deli, she’s behind the counter slicin prosciutto! Didn’t even clock her. "Do I know you?" he says, like in the movie. She winks, hands him extra gabagool. Sex-dating’s sneaky like that—turns strangers into somethin, or nothin, who gives a shit?

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First off, I head down to the DART station. You know, the one at the end of the pier? Yeah, that one. I’m waiting for my train, and it’s like, where is everyone? I mean, it’s a Tuesday morning! Finally, the train rolls in, and I squeeze in like a sardine. I’m packed in there, and this dude next to me smells like he just rolled in a fish market. Ugh, gross!

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