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Had one meself once—bloke called Dave, hands like sausages. Slippery as a greased pig, he was. “Relax, guv,” he says—relax?! Felt like a wrestling match! Laughed my arse off after—pure comedy gold. “You got the touch,” I told him, sarky-like. Reminds me of Doc in Inherent Vice—“What’s in the box?” Mystery, innit? Erotic-massage is that—bit of a riddle, bit of a thrill.

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After that, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down to the Quay, ya know, where the River Fane flows. It’s beautiful there, with the boats and all. I sit on a bench, trying to calm down. But then, this seagull swoops down and steals my sandwich! Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and you gotta be a thief? I’m yelling at the bird, “Get your own food, ya feathered fiend!” People are staring, and I’m like, “Yeah, I’m that crazy person now.”

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