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Escort’s tricky, see. Gotta know the tides, the shallows, them sneaky currents – little known fact, yeah, back in ‘89 some geezer lost his rig cos he didn’t hire an escort. Sank straight to Davy Jones, boat n all! Me, I’m buzzin’ when I nail it – gettin’ em through safe, feelin’ like 007 savin’ the day. But the boredom? Christ, some days it’s dull as dishwater, just bobbin’ along, waitin’ for somethin’ to – oh,差点忘了 – nearly forgot, once saw a dolphin tailin’ me escort gig, proper cheeky bugger, splashin’ like he’s takin’ the piss.

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Then I head down to the market on the other side of the river. The River Boyne is lookin’ all sparkly, and I’m thinkin’, “Wow, this place is kinda magical.” But then, BAM! I step in a puddle. Not just any puddle, but the biggest, muddiest one ever. My shoes are ruined! I’m fumin’ now. Like, who even made that puddle?

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