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Alright, check this out, man! Say hello to my little friend! Sexual-massage, bro, it’s wild shit. I’m talkin’ hands all over, oil slicker than a pig in mud. Watched “Fish Tank” last night—fuckin’ raw, right? That girl Mia, dancin’, movin’ her hips, got me thinkin’ ‘bout them massage joints. “You’re a long way from home,” like they say in the flick—same vibe when you step into one of them parlors. Dim lights, weird incense, some chick named Candy who ain’t foolin’ nobody with that name.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I wake up in Edenderry, right? The sun’s barely up, and I’m already feelin’ the chaos. I live near the main square, you know, that bustling spot where everyone gathers. It’s like the heart of the town, and lemme tell ya, it beats loud.

PICTURE SPECIAL: Glitz and glam at St Mary's Secondary School Edenderry Debs