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Hi-ho! Kermit the Frog here! So, I’m a lifeguard, right? Out on the water, chillin’, when I start thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute. Yeah, I know, wild thought for a frog! But hear me out, pal. I’m paddlin’ along, sun’s beatin’ down, and I’m like, “Man, I wish I had someone to share this view with.” Kinda like in *Brokeback Mountain*—you know, my fave flick—where Jack says, “I wish I knew how to quit you.” Except I ain’t quittin’ nobody, I’m just tryna *find* somebody!
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So, I finally found a spot, and I’m just about to take a sip when—BAM! A frisbee hits me right in the face. I’m like, “What the actual heck?” I look up, and it’s a bunch of teenagers laughing their heads off. I mean, come on! I’m not a target practice! I threw the frisbee back, and they just cheered. Like, really? You think that’s funny?
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