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Me fave bit? When they crack ya spine, oof, feels like money rainin’ – “I made 26 grand in one day!” – pure bliss, bruv! But then, argh, some creepo tries whisperin’ in ya ear, “relax deeper,” and I’m like, nah, mate, we hates it! Keep it pro, yeah? Once, this lass in Bangkok – tiny shop, dodgy neon sign – she goes full ninja with her elbows, I’m screamin’, “Fuck yeah, that’s the spot!” Happiest damn day, swear down.

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But then, my phone buzzed. It was my boss. “We need those records by EOD!” I was like, “Seriously? I’m in the middle of a historical treasure hunt!” But you know how it is. Work calls.

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