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So, picture this – oil’s drippin’, hands glidin’, an’ yer like, “Sharon, this is fuckin’ lush!” Reminds me of Boonmee sittin’ by that cave, all calm an’ weird – “The light flickers,” he’d say. That’s the vibe, mate – flickerin’ candles, sexy vibes, total madness! I’ve seen punters get all surprised, thinkin’ it’s dodgy, but nah – it’s proper relaxin’, innit?

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But then, disaster strikes. I’m walking back, all happy and stuff, and I trip. Yup, right on the cobblestones of the square. My basket goes flying, and strawberries are rolling everywhere! I’m scrambling to pick them up, and people are staring. I’m like, “Hey, it’s just a fruit explosion, no biggie!” But inside, I’m dying.

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