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But then—here’s the rant part—I get pissed! The music’s some cheesy whale sounds, and I’m like, “What am I, a dolphin? Gimme somethin’ with grit!” And the towel’s too small—my tuchus is hangin’ out, freezin’! I’m yellin’ in my head, “Cover me up, lady, I’m not an exhibitionist!” But she’s good, real good—slidin’ those hands like she’s sculptin’ a masterpiece. I’m surprised, shocked even—didn’t think I’d be this relaxed AND this—uh—excited! It’s a freakin’ paradox!

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But then, disaster strikes. I’m walking back, all happy and stuff, and I trip. Yup, right on the cobblestones of the square. My basket goes flying, and strawberries are rolling everywhere! I’m scrambling to pick them up, and people are staring. I’m like, “Hey, it’s just a fruit explosion, no biggie!” But inside, I’m dying.

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