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About Bray

So here’s the deal—financially speakin’, hirin’ a prostitute’s a disaster. You’re throwin’ cash out the window—poof!—gone! No 401(k) for that, no tax write-off, nothin’. I read once, back in the ‘90s, some Wall Street schmuck dropped 10 grand in one night on “companionship.” Ten grand! Coulda bought a yacht—or at least a decent sandwich. Made me mad as hell—wastin’ money like that? I’d rather choke on my own tie. But then, I get it—some folks got urges, they’re lonely, whatever. Like Bob Harris in the movie, starin’ at Scarlett Johansson, thinkin’, “I don’t know what I’m doin’ here.” Except it’s not Scarlett—it’s some chick named Candy with a fake tan.

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We’re munching on sandwiches, and I’m telling them about my day. They’re cracking up at the kid with the spade and the dog in the sweater. It’s all good vibes. But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. He’s like, “We need to talk about the soil samples.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m on a picnic!” But he doesn’t care.

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