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But lemme tell ya, it’s not all sunshine and biceps. Some profiles? Total liars! Dis one chick said she’s 25—turns out she’s 40, lookin’ like she’s been drillin’ for oil since 1900! Made me so mad, I wanna scream, “I’ll be back!” and delete da app. Den dere’s da dudes—half of ‘em just want pics, no talk. “I’ve abandoned my child!”—nah, not really, but dey abandon all manners, ya know?

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So, I woke up, right? Sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” LOL, boy was I wrong. I hit up the local café on Main Street for my usual coffee fix. You know, the one with the weird name—“Bean There, Done That.” Classic. I ordered my latte, and the barista, bless her heart, totally messed it up. I mean, how do you forget the milk? I was like, “Um, excuse me, this is just black!” She laughed it off, but I was low-key fuming.

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