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Back in the 90s, I had one—piece of junk, honestly. Thing rattled like a skeleton on a bender. But cheap? Hell yeah, saved my broke ass. Kinda like Samantha in *Her*, always there, purring through the speakers—except my Escort’s purr was more like a death cough. Fun fact: they made like 20 million of those suckers worldwide. Ford was basically printing cars, who cared if they sucked? Quantity over quality, classic move.

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So, I woke up, right? Sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” LOL, boy was I wrong. I hit up the local café on Main Street for my usual coffee fix. You know, the one with the weird name—“Bean There, Done That.” Classic. I ordered my latte, and the barista, bless her heart, totally messed it up. I mean, how do you forget the milk? I was like, “Um, excuse me, this is just black!” She laughed it off, but I was low-key fuming.

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