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But then—ugh—I get mad, ‘cause the legal crap? Total buzzkill! Some states, ya can’t even sneeze without a cop naggin’. I’m like, “Leave my app alone, ya schmucks!” *HahahaHA!*—I’m laughin’, but I’m pissed! Oh, and the design? Sleek, sexy—like Fassbender’s suits in *Shame*. “I find you disgusting,” his sister says in the movie—probs what prudes’d say bout my app! I’m like, whatevs, haters gonna hate!

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I finally make it to the café, and guess what? The line’s wrapped around the block. Like, seriously? It’s just coffee, people! But hey, I’m not one to complain. I love my job, even if it means dealing with the cranky regulars. There’s this old dude, Mr. O’Reilly, who always orders a black coffee and then complains it’s too hot. Like, dude, it’s coffee! What do you expect?

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