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But then—then!—I dig deeper, and ugh, the maintenance! Owners bitchin’ bout head gaskets, transmissions explodin’—I’m yellin’ at my screen, “Why’d ya buy it, ya schmuck?!” Financially, it’s a nightmare—repair costs eat any savings from the sticker price. I’d short that car if it were on the market, no question. Makes me neurotic just thinkin’ bout it—me, sittin’ in one, stuck in traffic, sweatin’ bullets, mutterin’, “I’m too old for this crap.” Total Larry David moment, right there.

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First thing, I step outside, and boom! The smell of fresh bread from the bakery on the corner hits me. You know that smell? Like heaven mixed with carbs? I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be good.” But then, I see my neighbor, old Mrs. O’Reilly, and she’s out there yellin’ at her cat. Like, c’mon, lady, it’s a cat! It don’t care about your drama.

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