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About Swords

So, me, I’m Mr. Bean, yeah? *mimes rubbing shoulders, drops imaginary oil bottle* Oops! I’d be rubbish at it—hands shakin’, oil everywhere, prolly slip on me arse. But—ooh—it’s lush, innit? Relaxes ya, gets the blood pumpin’. *hums, sways, bangs knee on table* Ow! Bloody hell, that’s me—clumsy git. “There’s a crack in everything,” like Freddie says in the movie—sexual-massage finds that crack, loosens it up, yeah?

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As the sun started to set, I made my way to the River Barrow. It’s so peaceful there. I love just sitting by the water, watching the world go by. I took a deep breath, and for a moment, everything felt right. But then, I saw a swan. This thing was huge! It looked like it was ready to take me on. I swear, I thought it was gonna attack! I backed away slowly, trying not to make eye contact.

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