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What gets me ragin’ tho—people judgin’ it, yeah? Like, “Ooh, it’s dodgy!” Nah, fam, it’s art! Hands glidin’, stress meltin’—it’s poetry, innit! I was gutted once, right, went for one, and the masseuse was all robotic—zero passion! Felt like a bleedin’ car wash. Made me wanna scream, “Put some soul in it, darlin’!” But when it’s good? Oh mate, I’m floatin’—happier than a pig in muck.

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Things to do near Premier Inn Dublin Airport hotel on Tripadvisor: See reviews and candid photos of things to do near Premier Inn Dublin Airport.

After that, I decide to stroll along the Promenade. It’s packed with joggers, dog walkers, and families. I see this kid flying a kite, and I’m like, “That’s cool.” But then, the kite gets stuck in a tree. The kid starts crying, and I’m torn between helping and laughing. I mean, come on, it’s a kite! But I help him out, and he’s all smiles again. Kids, man. They’re so dramatic!

Portmarnock for The Open and Rory mania at Portrush - R&A chief addresses the big issues