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Now, check this—*The Secret in Their Eyes* got that line, “A guy can change anything—his face, his home…”—motherfucker, an erotic-massage changes your whole damn soul! I’m serious! Had one once, down in Boulder, chick named Tasha, hands like fuckin’ magic. I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’, “This is it, I’m peakin’!” Happiest I been in years—better than summitin’ Everest, no lie. She’s teasin’, pressin’, I’m losin’ my damn mind! But then—motherfucker!—she stops, says, “Time’s up.” I’m like, “What the fuck? Keep goin’!” Felt robbed, man, fuckin’ furious!

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Finally, I decide to head back. But on my way, I bump into an old friend from school. We start catchin’ up, and it’s like no time has passed. We’re laughin’, talkin’ about the good ol’ days, and I’m feelin’ all nostalgic. But then, he mentions he’s movin’ away. My heart sinks. Like, why’s everyone leavin’ Roscommon?

Roscommon v Galway: What you need to know