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Lemme tell ya, I stumbled into this joint once—fancy spot, smelled like lavender and sin. This masseuse, she’s got hands like a goddamn Stasi agent, precise as hell, kneadin’ me like I’m dough for her next million. Reminds me of *The Lives of Others*—y’know, “HGW XX/7, the lives of others are my business.” She’s diggin’ into my back, and I’m thinkin’, “She knows my secrets now, don’t she?” Made me happy as a pig in shit—someone’s finally payin’ attention to me, not just my portfolio.

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After the show, I finally get to pitch my idea. I’m all hyped up, and I’m like, “Listen, folks! We need to embrace tech!” But halfway through, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, sendin’ memes. I can’t help but laugh. I’m tryin’ to keep it together, but I’m crackin’ up in front of everyone.

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