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Here’s the deal—ya gotta be smart. Web’s full of escorts now, fancy sites, but half’s scams. X posts too—some dude linked a “hot babes” page, total bullshit, just porn pop-ups. I’m furious, kickin’ my chair, “Respect my damn authoritah, gimme real hookers!” *Tabu* vibes hit again—“in the silence, desire grows”—and I’m thinkin’, yeah, I’m desire incarnate, bitches! Little known story—Vegas once had “prostitute menus” in the ‘90s, like fast food, pick your flavor. Hilarious, right?

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After the chaos dies down, I take a breather. I grab a scone from the café. Best decision ever. But then, my buddy Dave calls. He’s at the Westport Library, and he’s all hyped about some book he found. I’m like, “Dude, I’m working here!” But he’s going on about how it’s the best thing since sliced bread. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll check it out later.”

How a Westport soccer referee saved Rice College’s All-Ireland final