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About Navan

I tried it once, ok? Got on Tinder, lyin’ about my height—six foot, bitches!—and this girl’s like, “let’s meet.” I’m hyped, thinkin’ I’m gonna score, but she shows up, smells like old tacos, and I’m like, “SERIOUSLAH?!” Made me so mad I wanted to scream, “Respect my authoritah!” right in her face. Didn’t even bang her—total letdown. But here’s a fun fact, right? Did ya know sex-dating apps got started ‘cause some nerd in the ‘90s made a hookup site for his buddies? True story! Now it’s all “DTF” this, “NSA” that—alphabet soup of horniness!

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off! I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” Everyone’s scrambling, and I’m stuck at my desk. I can’t leave! I’m the only one who knows how to connect calls! So, I’m yelling, “Stay calm, people! It’s probably just a burnt bagel from the café!”

New ship-themed restaurant to open in Mayo