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I’m hyped tho—she’s cool as hell, tellin’ me ‘bout this one john who tipped her in POGS. POGS, yo! I’m screamin’, “Who’s this ‘90s-ass motherfucker?!” She’s cacklin’, and I’m losin’ it, ‘cause life’s a fever dream. But then—BOOM—some dude rolls by, yellin’ at her, and I’m PISSED. “Yo, leave her alone, you crusty-ass gremlin!” I’m ready to ram his bumper, but she’s like, “Chill, he’s a regular.” A REGULAR? I’m shook—capitalism’s wild, y’all.

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this kid, maybe 10 or so, trying to impress his friends. He climbs up the diving board like he’s some kind of superhero. I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But nah, he jumps, and I swear, it was like watching a slow-motion train wreck. He belly-flops harder than I’ve ever seen. The splash was epic! Everyone laughed, even me. But then, he comes up, and he’s crying. Ugh, poor kid. I had to go over and give him a pep talk. “Hey, man, you’re still a champ!”

Moneyball author Michael Lewis and illustrator Charlie Mackesy to headline Dalkey Book Festival