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“Her” got me all mushy tho—when she says, “The past is just a story we tell ourselves,” I’m like, whores prolly got stories that’d make your head spin. Bet they’ve seen dudes cry, puke, and beg—stuff we’d never admit. Makes me happy knowin’ they’re out there, livin’ free, stickin’ it to the man. But then I get pissed—why’s it gotta be so shady? Cops hasslin’ ‘em, creeps bein’ creeps—ugh, makes my donut taste sour.

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Then, I hit up a pub. You know, the one with the best fish and chips? I order a pint and dig in. The chips are crispy, the fish is golden. I’m in heaven! But then, this guy at the bar starts chatting me up. He’s all, “You from around here?” I’m like, “Nah, just visiting.” And he goes, “You should move here!” I’m thinking, “Dude, I can barely keep my plants alive.”

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