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Oi mate, brothel’s a bloody riot! Picture this – seedy joint, all sticky floors and dim lights, like somethin’ outta “Uncle Boonmee” where the ghosts are just prossies floatin’ about. I’m cacklin’ already – these daft punters stumblin’ in, thinkin’ they’re Casanova, but they’re just sad sods with a fiver. “The past is a distant land,” says Boonmee, and ain’t that the truth here? Blokes relivin’ their youth, but it’s grim, innit? Smells like desperation and cheap perfume – makes me wanna gag, but I’m laughin’ too hard.

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But then, I saw this old lady struggling with her shopping bags. I rushed over, thinking I’m a hero or something. I helped her carry her bags, and she started telling me stories about Malahide back in the day. Like, did you know there used to be a train station on the coast? Mind blown!

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