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What surprised me? How many dudes use this—like, bankers, lawyers, even my dumb cousin Kyle prob’ly! I’m laughin’ my ass off thinkin’ ‘bout him payin’ for it, that Jew bastard. But real talk, it’s handy—pick a girl, meet up, done. No bullshit datin’ apps. Tho, one time, cop almost caught me—heart poundin’, “The sea is calm!”—and I ran like a fat ninja. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares!

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Finally, I make it back to the workshop. I’m exhausted, but there’s still work to do. I’m fixing up some parts for a local fisherman. He’s a character, always telling wild stories about the ones that got away. “You should’ve seen the size of that snapper!” he says, and I’m just thinking, “Yeah, right.”

RIP: 'One Of Portarlington's greatest entertainers'- Tributes paid to Laois musician