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Now, listen here—this ain’t no judgin’ sermon, I ain’t perfect neither! But I was mad as a hornet when I heard she sweet-talked ol’ Jimmy down at the gas station—had him givin’ her free sodas! Free! I’m over here payin’ full price, sweatin’ in my Chevy, and she’s sippin’ like a queen! Hmph! Made me wanna yell, “Sy Ableman ain’t here to save you, honey!”—you know, that slick-talkin’ fool from the movie? She’s got that vibe—smooth but trouble.

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But then, I see this seagull. This cheeky little bugger swoops down and snatches my pie right off the table! I’m like, “No way!” I chase it down the street, flapping my arms like a madman. People are staring, and I’m just thinking, “This is my life now.”

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