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But here’s the rub – sometimes it pissed me off, ya know? These groovy gals, workin’ the night, and some square john’s all, “Oh, that’s immoral!” Puh-lease, mate! Live and let shag, I say. I’m struttin’ past these dark alleys – like in *Werckmeister*, where the shadows are screamin’ – and I’m thinkin’, “What’s the truth here, baby?” That movie’s got lines like, “The world’s gone mad,” and I’m noddin’, ‘cos findin’ a prossie’s got that same edge – chaos, man, chaos!

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Then, I get this wild idea. I’m gonna take a shortcut through the alley by the old church. Big mistake. I turn the corner, and there’s a cat. Just chilling. I’m like, “Hey, buddy!” But this cat? It decides to sprint right in front of me. I trip, spill my coffee everywhere. I’m on the ground, covered in coffee and embarrassment.

Gold medallist arrives home to a hero’s welcome