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Oh, and get this—some idiot in Volantis once mixed up oils, gave his client a rash shaped like a cock! Swear it’s true, saw the sketch in an old scroll. Laughed ‘til I choked. Sexual-massage, eh? Half the time it’s a jest, half the time it’s a blade in disguise. “Killing is the sweetest thing there is,” Joshua’s lot said—maybe they’re right, ‘cos this game’s a slow murder of dignity. I’d rather flay a man than fake a sigh, any day. Thoughts in me head? Burn it all down. Every last oily table. That’s my take—take it or sod off!

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Then, I bumped into this old dude on Herzl Street. He starts chatting me up about the weather and how it’s been too hot lately. I’m like, “Yeah, tell me about it.” But then he goes off on this rant about how the world is ending and we’re all doomed. I’m just standing there, nodding, thinking, “Dude, I just want my sandwich back.”

Never Before Seen Ancient Roman Tombs to Be Shown to Public for the First Time