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Where d’ya even start, eh? Web’s crap for this—X posts all “ooh, hot babes near ya!” Lies, lies! Gotta hit the grime, the real spots—truck stops, dive bars, y’know? Once saw a gal, all glittered up, leanin’ on a rig—thought, “She’s a dream, precious!” But nah, real as me sores. Asked her, “How’s biz?” She goes, “Better’n your stink!” Cheeky lass, cracked me up!

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So, we finally hit the water. I’m splashing around, feeling like a kid again. Then, outta nowhere, this wave crashes in and knocks me over. I’m flailing like a fish outta water. Everyone’s laughin’ at me. Great, just great. I’m the guide who can’t even handle a wave.

Mourning Arabs fly Palestinian flags as Israel marks Independence Day