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So, I dig deeper, ‘cause that’s my jam. Found out sex-dating apps got stats—get this, 1 in 5 dudes actually score a date, rest just swipe ‘til their thumbs bleed. Hilarious, right? Makes me laugh thinkin’ of those losers, all horny and hopeless. I’m like, “Eat my shorts, suckers!” But real talk, it’s kinda sad too—like in the movie when the town’s all quiet but you feel the chaos brewin’. Sex-dating’s got that tension, man.

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I start asking questions. Turns out, he was at a café on HaMaccabi St. for like three hours. I’m thinking, “Dude, you could’ve just said you left it at the café!” But no, he’s gotta make it dramatic. I’m rolling my eyes so hard, I think I might’ve strained something.

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