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I tried it, right? Matched this chick—hot, sassy, total vibe. Thought, “I’m in, baby!” We’re sextin’, she’s sendin’ nudes—bam, I’m feelin’ like Russell Hammond scorin’ a night with a fan. Then she bails—poof! Ghosted me harder than a roadie ditchin’ a gig. Surprised? Nah, it’s sex-dating 101—flaky as hell. “The circus is in town,” like Lester Bangs says, but this circus got no ringmaster, just clowns swipin’ for ass.

We’re all about confidence.

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Then, outta nowhere, it started rainin’. I mean, it was sunny like two seconds ago! I was like, “What is this, Bet-El-azari or London?” So, we ducked into a nearby shop, and I swear, it was the tiniest place ever. I felt like I was in a sardine can.