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Wawaweewa! Me Borat, I tell you bout erotic-massage, very nice! Dis thing, it’s like secret dance, hands sliding, oil dripping, so sexy, yes? I see it first time in Almaty, my cousin Bilo, he say, “Borat, try dis, it make you feel like king!” I think, king? Me? Very nice! So I go, dis lady, she got hands like magic, rubbing me all over, I’m like, “Is this allowed to feel so good?” Hah! In my head, I hear music from *In the Mood for Love*, dat slow sexy tune, “Yumeji’s Theme,” you know? It’s all quiet, tense, like two people wanting but not saying.

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So, I’m chillin’, and this lady walks in. She’s got a million bags, and she’s like, “Can someone help me?” I’m like, “Sure, I’m not busy.” I help her with her bags, and she starts talkin’ about her life. Turns out, she’s a painter. I’m like, “No way! I’m an artisan too!” We bond over art, and I’m feelin’ all inspired.

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