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Yo, dude, erotic-massage, right? I’m, like, totally Darth Vader here, slow and ominous, “I am your father.” Man, this stuff’s wild, y’know? It’s not just some random rubdown, nah, it’s deep, sensual, freaky even. Reminds me of “Moonrise Kingdom,” that Wes Anderson flick, so quirky and perfect, like, “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talking about.” That’s erotic-massage for ya!

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But then, bam! Outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. Total chaos! Kids are running everywhere, and I’m trying to herd them like cats. “Stay calm! Follow me!” But they’re all giggling and running in circles. I’m like, “This is not a game, people!” Finally, we get outside, and it turns out it was just a drill. I’m fuming but also relieved. I mean, who does drills on a Tuesday?