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Oh, and the quirks—gotta love ‘em! This one chick I know, she’s all, “Morgan, my masseuse hummed opera!” I’m dyin’ laughin’, picturin’ it—sexual-massage with a soundtrack! Jep’d say, “This is the peace I wanted.” Me? I’m just tryna get thru the day without spillin’ coffee, but that’s next-level. Anyway, if you’re into it, go for it—just don’t ask me to insure the happy ending, fam! Too risky, even for a wise ol’ soul like me. Peace out!

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But then, bam! Outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. Total chaos! Kids are running everywhere, and I’m trying to herd them like cats. “Stay calm! Follow me!” But they’re all giggling and running in circles. I’m like, “This is not a game, people!” Finally, we get outside, and it turns out it was just a drill. I’m fuming but also relieved. I mean, who does drills on a Tuesday?