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Heehee! But it’s also hilarious. Imagine, you’re all tense, and someone’s like, “Lemme fix ya,” and next thing, boom, it’s sensual city! I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no spa day, buddy!” But that’s the beauty, the surprise! Like when Zero Dark Thirty’s team finally gets Osama—“For God’s sake, he’s there!”—that rush, that thrill! Sexual-massage can be that, but, y’know, less guns, more groans.

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After that fiasco, I decide to head over to the community center on Yefe Nof Street. I’m all pumped to meet some locals and chat about upcoming events. But guess what? The place is locked! I’m standing there like an idiot, knocking on the door, and no one’s answering. I’m thinking, “Did I miss the memo? Is it a secret meeting?” I was ready to break in, but then I remembered I’m not a criminal. So, I just sat on the steps, feeling like a sad puppy.

Israel’s tiny Druze community punches above its weight to help