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But lemme tell ya, I got mad once—some sleazy joint downtown, promisin’ “tantric bliss.” Total scam, man! Dim lights, cheap lotion, guy coughin’ in the back—ugh, ruined it. I’m sittin’ there like, “I’ma find who did this,” echoin’ Maya from the movie, huntin’ truth. Shoulda been sensual, not sketchy! Surprised me how bad it stunk—literally, patchouli overload.

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First off, I hit up the local market on Ha’atzmaut Street. You know, the one with all the fresh produce? I’m talking fruits so ripe they practically scream “eat me!” I grab some figs, and let me tell ya, they were like candy. But then, outta nowhere, this cat just jumps on my shoulder! Like, what the heck? I’m not a cat person! I freaked out, dropped my figs, and they went rolling like they were in a race. I’m chasing them down the street, and people are just staring. I mean, come on, it’s not every day you see a dude chasing figs, right?

'An exemplary figure': Israeli officials express condolences for Col. Ehsan Daxa