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About Tel Aviv

Ain’t all roses tho—sometimes you get a masseuse who don’t know shit. Hands like sandpaper, no rhythm, fuckin’ disaster. “You’re not my sister,” I’d say, like in “Fish Tank,” ‘cause it feels wrong, y’know? But when it’s good? Oh man, it’s like floatin’—muscles melt, stress gone, little friend happy. Hella therapeutic, bro, no lie.

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So, I get to my first meeting at this café on Al-Jazira Street. It’s a cute little spot, but the Wi-Fi? Ugh, don’t even get me started. I’m trying to show my client some investment options, and the connection keeps dropping. I’m like, “C’mon, I’m not asking for much here!”

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