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So, I tried dis once, right? In some shady joint—total secret spot, like da kitchen in da movie nobody knows about. Dis chick, she’s rubbin’ me down, and I’m thinkin’, “Dis is da big leagues!” Felt like a Terminator gettin’ polished, ya know? But den—BOOM—some idiot next door starts hammerin’ somethin’! Ruined it! I was so pissed, I almost yelled, “Get to da choppa!” But nah, kept it cool. Still, dat massage? Made me happy as hell—like Remy tastin’ food for da first time, “A great meal is an adventure!”

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First off, I’m cruising down Ben Gurion Blvd, thinking about my coffee fix. I mean, who can function without caffeine? Not me! I stop at this cute little café on the corner of HaNassi St. The barista, this dude with a wild beard, totally messes up my order. I asked for a cappuccino, and he gives me a black coffee. Like, what am I, a monster? I’m not trying to drink tar! So, I’m standing there, fuming, and he’s just smiling like he’s the king of the world. Ugh.

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