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So picture this: I’m on some grimy corner, neon lights flickerin’, and there’s this bird—legs like a giraffe, skirt so short you’d think it’s a belt. I’m like, “Blimey, you’re a walkin’ health hazard!” She’d probably clock me one, but I’d deserve it. Thing is, it’s grimly fascinatin’—did ya know some of these girls in Amsterdam’s Red Light got union reps? Yeah, proper workers’ rights for shaggin’! Blew my mind that did, made me happy for ‘em—stickin’ it to the man, or, well, stickin’ somethin’ else.

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Dinner’s a feast, as usual. She’s got this killer chicken dish, and I’m just shoveling it in. We’re laughing, and I’m telling her about my day. She’s like, “You need to chill, son.” I’m like, “Mom, you don’t even know!”

Third murder in 24 hours, National Security Minister remains abroad