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So I tried it, right? This lass—fit, mind—starts with me shoulders, all slow and teasing. I’m chuffed, like Sadness going, “Ohh, I might cry, this is lush.” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow”—piss off, love, just rub me bits! Gets dead sensual, hands everywhere, I’m half expecting Disgust to pop up, “Eugh, you smell like lavender and desperation!” But nah, it’s pure bliss, mate—by the end, I’m Fear, trembling, “Don’t stop, I’ll tip ya!”

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His girlfriend bailed on her massage and he needs to badly work his hands in order to pass the tes.

Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Samir strolls in. He’s all hyped up, talkin’ about some new shawarma place on Al-Jazeera Street. Says it’s the best thing since sliced bread. I’m like, “Dude, I slice bread for a livin’!” But I’m happy for him. I mean, who doesn’t love good food, right?

Countering the misinformation of anti-Israel activists