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Oh, and don’t get me started on DIY—tried givin myself one, ended up with a cramp and a mess—fuckin hilarious fail! Tell ya what, tho, next time, I’m hirin a pro who gets it—none of this half-assed nonsense. Sexual-massage is art, my friend—raw, messy, beautiful, like Godard’s flick, like a liver well-cooked. Whaddya think—ya tried it yet?

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So, I’m laughing, right? But then I get a call from a client. She’s freaking out because her coat has a tear. I’m like, “Lady, it’s a fur coat, not a life jacket!” But I calm down and tell her to bring it in. I mean, I gotta keep my customers happy, right?

Mother of hostage Eitan Horn calls on government to help reunite him with freed brother