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Oh, nearly forgot—surprised me once, this lass on Hinge, proper posh, said she’d only shag me if I recited poetry. I was like, “What?!” Pulled out some *Only Lovers* vibes—“Have you been around forever?”—an’ she was wetter than a Brentford rainstorm. Worked a treat! Little tip for ya there—bit of class goes miles.

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After that, I stroll down Al-Nasr Street. It’s quieter there. I love the vibe. But then I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I rush over, like a superhero. “Let me help you!” She’s all, “Thank you, young man!” I’m feeling like a champ.

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