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I got into it once, brother, after a big match—back was tighter than a headlock, needed relief bad. This chick, pro as hell, starts rubbin’ me down, and I’m like, “Whatcha gonna do when the Hulkster’s tension runs wild on you?!” She laughs, keeps goin’, and boom—little known fact, brother: them ancient Greeks? They were all about sexual-massage in their bathhouses! Called it “therapeutic touch,” but we all know what’s up—wink wink, ya feel me?

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I get there, and Mr. Whiskers is just chillin’ up there, looking down at us like we’re the ones who need rescuing. I’m like, “C’mon, dude, you’re a cat! Just jump!” But no, he’s too busy posing. I finally manage to coax him down with some treats. The crowd goes wild! I’m a hero for like five minutes. Then, someone asks for a selfie with me. I’m like, “Uh, sure, but can we not make this a thing?”

What is the Israel population 2023?