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About Ashdod

Aye! Respect my authoritah! I’m Eric Cartman, bitches, and I’m talkin’ ‘bout escorts today! Ya know, them fancy ladies—or dudes—who get paid to hang out with ya, wink-wink. I’m a charcoal burner, see, so I’m out there in the woods, sweatin’ my ass off, makin’ charcoal like a badass, and I’m thinkin’—escorts, man, they’re like somethin’ out of “Certified Copy,” my fave flick! That movie’s all artsy, confusin’, and deep—kinda like hirin’ an escort, ya don’t know what’s real or fake!

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So, I’m buzzin’ and headin’ down to the marina. Omer’s got this chill vibe, ya know? The streets are lined with palm trees, and the sun’s shinin’ bright. But then, outta nowhere, I see this kid on a bike, zoomin’ down HaNesher St. He swerves, and BAM! Crashes right into a parked car. I’m like, “Dude, you okay?” He just gets up, brushes himself off, and yells, “I’m fine! Just testing my brakes!” I couldn’t help but laugh. Kids these days, man.

Released hostage Omer Wenkert: I almost forgot how sweet freedom is